When step parenting, it's important to take the child custody issues into consideration. Acknowledging and dealing with the custody situation can make step parenting easier. It can help parents relate better to the children, have more realistic expectations, and can help the step parent and the spouse have a better relationship. Here are some guidelines for how step parents should handle child custody.
The first general custody guideline is to not try to make the child's other parent an enemy. It can be very easy for a step parent to see all of the ways that their spouse's ex has been a problem. The new spouse may not understand why their spouse seems to always give in to the ex. If the new spouse is constantly nagging at their partner and demanding that things change regarding the custody, it can cause tension in the marriage. As hard as it may be, the new spouse should try to be understanding and work with their partner about the issues. It's vital to listen to the explanations and offer constructive ways to help things change.
Along with working with the spouse about the ex, a step parent should never try to make the other parent an enemy to the children. The bonds between parents and children are strong and the children will not like hearing (especially from someone they consider outside the family) negative comments about their mom or dad. While it's true that a step parent may see the shortcomings of the other parent regarding the children, they shouldn't point those out or demean the parent. This will make the child resent the step parent and can inhibit the relationship.
In step parenting, the relationship between the new parent and the children takes time to develop. It's best to just accept this and go with the flow. Don't try to replace the other parent, and don't take is personally if the children don't respond to you immediately. Understand that the children may feel torn between the parents and they don't want to be disloyal. Work with the kids to make them feel comfortable and familiar with you. You shouldn't take any verbal abuse from them, or ill behavior, (and if this is happening you need to immediately talk to your spouse and work out a solution to the problem) but understand if they don't always run to your arms to tell you the latest news.
These are some of the child custody guidelines that can help a step parent adjust to the new role. Of course, every situation is different so you need to be creative to think up answers to problems that come up. If you are constantly trying to make things work, the odds are that things will work out.
Kamis, 26 Oktober 2017
Rabu, 11 Oktober 2017
How To Be a Successful Step Parent - Bonding With Your Step Children
Anyone who says step parenting is not hard work has not experienced it for themselves. The good news however is that the hard work and patience could pay off and potentially lead to a happy family unit. It does not have to be doom and gloom for a step family all the time.
There are some ways in which one can become a successful step parent and one of such ways is through bonding with the step children.
So how does one bond with one's step children?
Getting involved in activities
As a step parent, one of the quickest ways to bond with the children is by showing an interest in their hobbies and activities at school. Get to know what they like doing and make time to ask questions and if possible join in if they allow you. For activities at school, you could go with your spouse to attend say for example the cricket classes and stay to cheer them on, etc.
Doing things together
Another way of bonding is by doing things together. This would not involve your spouse, just you and your step children. Do not be put off if on the first or second occasion, they refuse to engage or even allow you to go out with them. If you persist, one day they may relent and allow you to be a part of their interests.
What you choose to do with the children does not have to be anything complicated. It could be something as simple as preparing a dish together or going to see a movie you know they like. You might even decide to do something outside your comfort zone probably like playing a computer game with them.
Keep the memory of their birth parent alive
This is mainly for if the other birth parent is deceased. Try as much as possible to keep the memory of the parent alive by making references to them and saying nice things about them. You could also help them with pictures and other keepsake items they have. This is a sensitive topic, but if the child wants to talk about their dead parent, then do not discourage them at all. By being understanding and willing to help them - you are creating a bond and you would have found yourself a new friend as well.
On the other hand, if the other parent is alive and your step child wants to talk about them, allow them to do so and make sure you never make a disparaging remark about them. Encourage them to talk about their parent if that is what makes them happy.
For these two situations, if your step child sees that you can be trusted with such things as their other parent; they will begin to warm towards you because they will find that they have someone in the house they can talk to. In addition to this, your step child will not see you as a threat in terms of their biological parent and you may find that they connect more with you because of this.
There are some ways in which one can become a successful step parent and one of such ways is through bonding with the step children.
So how does one bond with one's step children?
Getting involved in activities
As a step parent, one of the quickest ways to bond with the children is by showing an interest in their hobbies and activities at school. Get to know what they like doing and make time to ask questions and if possible join in if they allow you. For activities at school, you could go with your spouse to attend say for example the cricket classes and stay to cheer them on, etc.
Doing things together
Another way of bonding is by doing things together. This would not involve your spouse, just you and your step children. Do not be put off if on the first or second occasion, they refuse to engage or even allow you to go out with them. If you persist, one day they may relent and allow you to be a part of their interests.
What you choose to do with the children does not have to be anything complicated. It could be something as simple as preparing a dish together or going to see a movie you know they like. You might even decide to do something outside your comfort zone probably like playing a computer game with them.
Keep the memory of their birth parent alive
This is mainly for if the other birth parent is deceased. Try as much as possible to keep the memory of the parent alive by making references to them and saying nice things about them. You could also help them with pictures and other keepsake items they have. This is a sensitive topic, but if the child wants to talk about their dead parent, then do not discourage them at all. By being understanding and willing to help them - you are creating a bond and you would have found yourself a new friend as well.
On the other hand, if the other parent is alive and your step child wants to talk about them, allow them to do so and make sure you never make a disparaging remark about them. Encourage them to talk about their parent if that is what makes them happy.
For these two situations, if your step child sees that you can be trusted with such things as their other parent; they will begin to warm towards you because they will find that they have someone in the house they can talk to. In addition to this, your step child will not see you as a threat in terms of their biological parent and you may find that they connect more with you because of this.
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