Child Custody Guidelines When Step Parenting

When step parenting, it's important to take the child custody issues into consideration. Acknowledging and dealing with the custody situation can make step parenting easier. It can help parents relate better to the children, have more realistic expectations, and can help the step parent and the spouse have a better relationship. Here are some guidelines for how step parents should handle child custody.

The first general custody guideline is to not try to make the child's other parent an enemy. It can be very easy for a step parent to see all of the ways that their spouse's ex has been a problem. The new spouse may not understand why their spouse seems to always give in to the ex. If the new spouse is constantly nagging at their partner and demanding that things change regarding the custody, it can cause tension in the marriage. As hard as it may be, the new spouse should try to be understanding and work with their partner about the issues. It's vital to listen to the explanations and offer constructive ways to help things change.

Along with working with the spouse about the ex, a step parent should never try to make the other parent an enemy to the children. The bonds between parents and children are strong and the children will not like hearing (especially from someone they consider outside the family) negative comments about their mom or dad. While it's true that a step parent may see the shortcomings of the other parent regarding the children, they shouldn't point those out or demean the parent. This will make the child resent the step parent and can inhibit the relationship.

In step parenting, the relationship between the new parent and the children takes time to develop. It's best to just accept this and go with the flow. Don't try to replace the other parent, and don't take is personally if the children don't respond to you immediately. Understand that the children may feel torn between the parents and they don't want to be disloyal. Work with the kids to make them feel comfortable and familiar with you. You shouldn't take any verbal abuse from them, or ill behavior, (and if this is happening you need to immediately talk to your spouse and work out a solution to the problem) but understand if they don't always run to your arms to tell you the latest news.

These are some of the child custody guidelines that can help a step parent adjust to the new role. Of course, every situation is different so you need to be creative to think up answers to problems that come up. If you are constantly trying to make things work, the odds are that things will work out.